up north

there are jobs up here.
people i dont know.
the same different things to see.

my stomach feels like a tar pit.
i have lost five pounds.
and my hands on fire, itch and burn.

i slept off most of the day.
away in a dream, i dont remember anything about it.
someone asks if im ok.

i will need to figure out something soon.
i wrote letters to people who need to know-
just how i feel about them and why-
and if you are reading this-
you need to know too.

i have decided:
most of you do not
wont
do not care enough to
or cannot
understand me.

i dress nice to go get hired somewhere.
i forgot to brush my hair.
my clothes did not match.
i lost my good shoes.
i did not get a job.

i thought tan and pink went well together.
i smiled at myself in a mirror before i left-
i looked just like all those times i did
when you said i was pretty.
so whats wrong with the way my hair is now?

someone mistook a rhyme for alliteration.
i said
"close"
even though it wasnt.

now i wonder
is this how the rest of the world feels about me as well?